


Two Knights, One Quadrant: A Kismetic Alien Dong Rodeo

by saccharomyces_cerevisibae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bottom Dave, Caliginous Romance, Cock Rings, Edging, Explicit Consent, Finger Fucking, Hair Pulling, Karkat Vantas - Freeform, Lowkey spanking, M/M, PWP bulges, Porn, Rough Sex, Roughness, Second person POV, Smut, Xenophilia, dave strider - Freeform, dave strider/karkat vantas - Freeform, davekat- freeform, face fucking, flipping black, hc that dave is constantly talking because he literally doesn’t know how to shut up ever, theyre both adults in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:51:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12716382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saccharomyces_cerevisibae/pseuds/saccharomyces_cerevisibae
Summary: “I mean, uh, i-if you really wanted to, or if you felt like having some kind of, of, kismetic alien dong rodeo, that might be on the list of things that I would be, be, on board. With.”Alternian title: In which Dave manages to piss Karkat off enough to cause him to flip black, and then promptly gets his brains fucked out.





	Two Knights, One Quadrant: A Kismetic Alien Dong Rodeo

You don’t know what set him off.

One minute everything was normal, and you were walking through the hall of your shared house, and the next your shirt was fisted in Karkat’s hand and you were being dragged toward the bedroom for a storm of harsh kisses.

He runs his tongue over your closed lips before drawing the lower one into his mouth to suck on, hard and fast enough to feel like a bite before easing up. Your lower lip is still trapped in his teeth, and he tugs it once, twice before relinquishing it.

He tangles his hand in your hair, gripping tight and close to the scalp, tugging _just_ hard enough that you gasp in surprise and confusion and more than a little arousal. Karkat takes this opportunity to invade your mouth, tongue fucking you and licking up behind your teeth at your hard palate. It would be ticklish if you weren’t so turned on, you think, dazed.

You can hear someone moaning, a little, and you realize that it’s you-- embarrassment momentarily quiets you, and Karkat pulls back for a moment to rest his forehead and nose against yours.

In the lull, you realize that both of you are breathing hard. His right hand is still gripping your shirt, the left curled possessively around your waist. Both of your arms are thrown around his neck, trying to keep him close and steady yourself at the same time.

You’re a little dizzy from the sudden kissing, and there’s something hot and heavy building in your lower belly. Karkat pulls away to press more kisses to your jaw, nipping just below your ear before sucking a spot over your jugular, and it’s probably going to leave a hickey, and fuuuuck you’re moaning again.

“Nghhh... Karkat, shit, slow down, I... What are...”

He pulls away, licking over the spot as he goes, and looks at you expectantly- there’s still something dark and a little unfocused in his eyes.

“What, Dave?” he asks. There’s nothing angry in his tone, but his voice is rough and husky with arousal. He’s no longer kissing you, but his hands are idly questing over your back, fingertips occasionally skimming over the stretch of skin revealed from bunching your shirt up. The dull points of his claws send shivers down your spine.

“Shit, I just... I am one hundred percent on this crazy makeout train to pleasure town, round trip ticket, all aboard, full speed ahead, pack your bags junior and grab the wife, everybody let’s take a ride, if you know what I-”

Karkat butts at your shoulder with his horn, derailing what was likely going to become a long and drawn out metaphor about trains and tunnels and trains going into tunnels, and you remember what you were trying to say before you started to get carried away.

“Shit, I mean, what’s this all about? One minute I’m just a humble guy minding my own business, the next you’re all over me like the secret to eternal happiness is at the bottom of my throat and you gotta tongue-wrestle it out of me. You okay?”

Karkat looks a little surprised.

“Am _I_ okay? _You’re_ the one who’s been pitch-flirting with me _all fucking day,_ nooksucker. You heckled every fucking movie I put on, made fun of my fucking horns, and went on and on with your shitty _bucket jokes_ on top of everything, so unless I’ve been reading the signals _very fucking wrong_ , you’ve basically been offering to surrender your human ass up, to me, for some _god_ damned pitch concupiscent time.”

“Um,” you flounder, “Shit, Karkat, I was just teasing you, your horns are adorable as fuck and you’re cute as hell when you’re flustered over bucket jokes. I didn’t mean to. Uh. Set you off.”

To his credit, Karkat seems to regain some composure.

“So. You’re telling me that you _weren’t_ acting like an insufferable shitsponge for the purpose of initiating caliginous concupiscent activities?”

“...No?”

You sound confused as fuck, and Karkat seems to deflate a little.

“Shit. Fuck. I thought you fucking understood the meaning behind all the pan-shreddingly stupid teasing.” He rests his forehead against your shoulder, and seems to be trying to calm himself down. You think you hear him counting down from ten.

While the effort on his end is nice and all, and you’re still a little shell shocked, you’re also pretty sure that you’re at least a little hard from all the kissing and grabbing, and you really don’t want to let that go to waste.

“Uh. Hey. Karkat.”

“Mmmmmmfffffff.” You’re not really sure if that was a coherent response delivered conveniently into your clavicle, or if he’s still too worked up to do much else than try to calm down.

“You, uh... You didn’t really have to...” and your cheeks are burning now, it’s still so _weird_ for you to admit that you like having sex with him, that he makes you feel so damn good...

“Have to what?” Karkat says, slightly more comprehensible.

“Have to... stop?” and you sound so unsure, it comes out like a question and your whole face is on fire but the way that Karkat jerks his head up from your shoulder to look at you makes your breath hitch.

You swear you could see his pupils expand, and the look on his face screams ‘I’m listening, go on’ so you do, tripping over your words.

“I mean, uh, i-if you really wanted to, or if you felt like having some kind of, of, kismetic alien dong rodeo, that might be on the list of things that I would be, be, on board. With.”

You think you see something predatory shining in his eyes and the set of his mouth, and fuck but you can see how sharp his teeth are when he smirks like that and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t go straight to your dick.

“You sure about that, Dave?”

You nod your head, way more times than strictly necessary, and you’re still absentmindedly nodding when he tells you, “stop me if it’s too much” and then his arms tighten around you again and you flail a bit before he’s mashing his mouth against yours, bruising your lips with his.

You’re moaning again, humming the vowels of Karkat’s name around mangled consonants, and your knees buckle beneath you when he kisses across your jaw to graze your earlobe. Karkat catches you before you go down, and fuck but you forget how big he is sometimes, built like a brick shithouse and currently supporting you by pinning you to the wall with his body.

He rakes dulled nails through your hair and grabs, tilting your head to the side so that he can lead hot open-mouthed kisses down your neck and over your collarbones, nipping at the skin once before bending down to throw you over his shoulder, fireman-style.

Karkat nearly kicks in the door of your bedroom in and slings you onto the bed, barely giving you any time to recover from the manhandling before throwing himself on top of you and yanking your shirt up and over your head.

He kisses your chest like it’s air and he’s suffocating, hot and desperate, scrabbling fingers over your nipples. You instinctively arch your back, moaning and slightly overwhelmed at the sensation.

You’ve had a minute to catch your breath, and your recently freed mouth is lightyears ahead of your brain. You can catch snatches of your own muttering- “so good” and “god, Karkat” and “fuck yeah that’s right, unwrap me like it’s motherfucking Christmas up in this joint and I’ve been sitting under a dying tree with pine needles all over me for weeks on end” before you hear him growl and he claps a hand over your mouth.

You remember, at this point, what got you into this situation in the first place, and you promptly shut up and kiss his palm, licking at his fingers before drawing two into your mouth and sucking on them. That, at least, seems to be an approved use for your mouth other than talking, and you shudder as Karkat squeezes at your nipples and kisses your chest while you suck, suck, suck his fingers.

As he travels lower down your body, his finger slip out of your mouth, and Karkat yanks your pants and underwear down, pitching the ball of clothing to the other side of the room. Your freed mouth starts running again- “hell yeah, fuck that pair of pants in particular, never managed to frame this godly plush rump right,” and Karkat sucks your dick into his mouth, hard and sloppy with all the force of Hurricane Shut The Fuck Up, Dave.

Unfortunately for Karkat, you do not Shut The Fuck Up. To his credit, though, the assortment of moans and whines coming out of your mouth can hardly be called language, so he’s at least managing to keep you from saying every goddamn thing that ever passes through your mind.

He blows you, fisting the length of your dick that he can’t fit into his mouth and cupping your balls in his other hand. He swipes his tongue over your head and you grab at the roots of his hair and buck your hips, it feels so good, so good, fuck yes, and fuuuuuuck, but why is he pulling away, you were so close, what fucking gives--

“What gives is that you’re going to be fucking quiet, for once,” he almost growls at you, and you have no idea how long you were saying everything out loud again. He drags you by your ankles off the bed and sets you kneeling in front of him, completely naked while he’s still fully clothed. You reach up to undo his pants and he bats your hands away, yanking them down himself.

His bulge is already out, writhing restlessly around in the open air, and before you can move to do anything Karkat is grabbing you by the roots of your hair and guiding the tip of his bulge to your mouth with his other hand. As soon as it touches your lips, his bulge squirms eagerly into your mouth, and you open wider to accommodate.

Same as with his fingers, you occupy yourself with sucking at his bulge, appreciating how it fills up your mouth and strokes your tongue as it writhes. Karkat’s fist in your hair guides you into rocking your head back and forth, hollowing your cheeks and sucking his bulge in and out of your mouth. You hum appreciatively, and his fist tightens in your hair, pulling your head on and off his bulge more forcefully now.

You fall into a rhythm, sucking in as Karkat yanks your head closer and then relaxing as he pulls you off, hard and fast. You’re swallowing as much as you can, but his genetic material is already dripping out of your mouth and all over your chin, and the more you suck the more you coax into your mouth.

Karkat’s fucking your face faster now and you can’t keep up- you stop trying to suck and swallow and instead try to relax your mouth and throat as much as possible, letting yourself be taken along for the ride. Your dick is rock hard and you’re absentmindedly stroking at it, moaning around Karkat’s bulge.

Just as you think you’re about to come, Karkat yanks your head off his bulge, not quite hard enough to throw you to the floor but definitely hard enough that you have to let go of your dick and use your hands to rebalance yourself. Your scalp stings from his grip on your hair, but in a way that makes you ache for him even more. Before you can recover from the rough treatment, Karkat grabs you around the middle and hauls you up.

“I’m going to fuck you now,” he hisses, hot and full of intent before nipping hard at your earlobe. He kisses back down your neck, sucking a line of wet bruises downwards before biting at the fleshy junction of your neck and shoulder.

You are so, so hard right now and the way Karkat is holding you, your arms are thoroughly pinned to your sides so you can’t even give yourself any relief. He’s still busy mauling your shoulder, and you try to work your hips so that you can at least get some friction against his stomach, which, yep, no dice there.

“Fffffff-ff-fuck, Karkat pl-please, I’m dying over here, would you just-”

Apparently the no talking rule is still a thing, because Karkat makes a noise like a horde of angry cicadas (fuck, you’ve never heard _that_ one before) spins you around and pushes you facedown into the bed.

“ _Stay_ ,” he hisses, grabbing both your wrists in one hand and squeezing briefly, before releasing them and stalking off to dig through the nightstand for lube. You hear him shoving shit around, and try your best not to hump the mattress while waiting for him to come back.

The click of the cap is all the warning you get, and approximately .02347 seconds later he’s roughly spreading your cheeks and rubbing two fingers over your asshole. The lube barely got any time on his fingers to warm up, and before you can catch yourself you yelp at the cold.

 _That_ gets you a hell of a reaction- Karkat borderline snarls and pushes a finger in, then another, barely giving you time to adjust to the stretch before fucking them into you. You grab at the sheets in surprise and try to muffle your gasp in the comforter. He’s scissoring his fingers mercilessly, pushing them in and spreading before pulling them back out and repeating the motion, making sure to drive his fingertips directly into your prostate.

You’re trying not to moan, but it’s hard not to and you end up biting onto the comforter and letting it muffle the noises you make. Karkat pulls his fingers out and you can’t help but whine at that, which means that when he’s done reapplying lube he shoves three in this time.

You’re mashing your face into the bed, trying to be cooperative, but that’s still not enough to muffle the shout of “ _Oh shit!_ ” that you let out.

Karkat makes the angry cicada noise again- what the fuck?- and drives his fingers into you harder, using his other hand to grab you by the hair and push your face harder into the bed. Every breath you take comes out as a moan now, and you can’t help but make noise, which pisses off Karkat even more and makes him get even rougher, a positive feedback loop that you’re not really sure you want to interrupt.

When he draws his fingers back out, you try and fail not to whimper again. He gives a quick but sharp slap to your ass and reaches off to the side before reaching down to touch your dick. Angels sing from the heavens at the contact before you realize that he’s letting go of your hair and fumbling with something around Dave Jr, and _holy shit_ where did he get a cock ring?

He clips it around the base of your dick, and it immediately feels constricting, but you don’t dare trying to take it off.

“Too tight?” he grunts, and you shake your head no. You think that was a test, because he gives an approving hum that sounds like a buzz filled with clicks before leading the tip of his bulge to your ass. It promptly squirms the fuck inside, any and all restraint thrown out the window, and you take up another mouthful of comforter to keep from crying out.

Karkat grabs you by the hips and nearly lifts your feet off the ground, roughly fucking you and pulling your ass on and off of his bulge like you’re some kind of fuck toy. Your kick your legs uselessly, trying to gain purchase on ground that’s barely there while scrabbling to hold onto the sheets for dear life. Your mouthful of comforter can only do so much to muffle your cries, which you barely have any control of anymore.

Behind you, you can hear the Karkat grunting in pleasure and his thighs slapping against your ass. He’s going _deep_ , driving into you hard and fast, the base of his tapered bulge stretching you open more than you’re used to taking.

He digs his fingers into your hips, fuuuck but there’s definitely going to be bruises later, and drives his bulge into your ass all the way up to the base and just sort of... holds it there, grinding against you. You know a troll about to orgasm when you see one, and Karkat’s dangerously close to blowing his load inside your ass when he’s barely touched your dick and you still have a cock ring on.

Desperately, you whine out “please, Kark-Karkat, just lemme-” but before you can even articulate what you want, he’s coming, pumping your ass full of genetic material. You’re whimpering, which he seems not to notice, and he releases his vice grip on your hips.

Immediately, your knees buckle and your tenuous grip on the sheets isn’t enough to keep you from falling to your knees, his bulge sliding out of your ass and genetic material immediately starting to drip out onto the carpet.

Shaky but desperate, you reach down to take off the cock ring and jerk yourself off, but Karkat shoots a hand out and grabs your wrist before you can even touch yourself. You can register yourself begging- _pleasepleasepleasepleaseKarkatplease_ \- and he hauls you on your back onto the bed, with your legs hanging off.

Almost instantly his mouth is on your dick and his fingers are back in your ass, tongueing at your slit and abusing your sore asshole. You grab at his hair, not pulling him on or off your dick, just to have something to grab onto as you shake and moan. The fucking cock ring is _still_ on your dick and the intensity of everything is getting to be completely overwhelming. The words pouring out of your mouth have ceased to have any meaning, just disjointed syllables strung together and the vague but insistent notion of wanting.

Karkat blows you for what feels like forever, both the best thing you’ve ever felt and the most infuriating. You can feel the heat pooled inside you, and you want to come so fucking badly but he won’t let you. You can feel tears pricking at your eyes and rolling down your cheeks, and you’re sobbing with every breath you take.

Finally, _finally_ , Karkat pulls his fingers out of your ass and he reaches up to undo the cock ring, sucking you harder as he releases it. As soon as the pressure is gone, you scream out and come in his mouth, harder than you ever have before, and you black out as he sucks the last of your come from your dick and swallows.

* * *

When you come to, you can feel Karkat wiping you down with a warm, damp towel. Your entire body aches. You try to groan, but your mangled vocal chords won’t permit you to do anything but make a dusty wheeze after yelling so much. You feel Karkat trail the backs of his fingers over your cheek, and then finish wiping you down. He’s moved you further onto the bed, and now that he’s done wiping you down, he tucks you in.

You crack your eyes open and peek at Karkat. He seems peaceful, the annoyance from before melted away in post-orgasmic bliss. He wipes himself off with the towel and then leaves the room, presumably to throw the soiled towel into the hamper. Looking down, you can see your faceprint in the comforter where Karkat had you faceplanted earlier, two big wet tearstained spots for your eyes and your mouth made of a pinkish combination of spit and troll jizz. Nice.

Karkat returns, a glass of water in his hand. Wordlessly, he hands it to you, and you chug it down. As you place the empty glass on the nightstand, he climbs into bed with you. You turn to face him and bury your face in his chest, nuzzling into his soft skin.

You hum in contentment, and he starts to rub your back. As you drift off, you wonder if you could get a repeat performance sometime, but for now you let the various pleasant aches and sex hormones in your body take you to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the strilonde fan jam discord for encouraging me as I wrote the second half of this in like an hour, when the first half took roughly six months :D  
> Feel free to comment!!


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